Rated PG-13
I just started The Skunk Blog, so I felt that it was most important to post one of my most valuable Life Lessons. Before I begin, let me disclose to you that I have children, and I love them dearly. I wouldn’t trade them in for anything in the world, not even a billion dollars or a night with Scarlett Johansson (This is some serious shit!)
Now that I have fully disclosed my situation, let me educate all you young skunks. This is a simple lesson, so pay attention!
Hello my fellow Skunks! I wanted to give you an update on my recent activities. For the past six months I have been debating taking my stories and compiling them into a novel. Writing a novel will allow me to write longer, more detailed stories. Additionally I will have the freedom to be more creative without having the fear of upsetting friends and family. So, as of yesterday I have officially started to write my novel.
It’s been a long time since I did a “Letter to.” I’ve been racking my brain pretty hard thinking about a topic to write about. Two weeks later I didn’t have shit. So this morning on the way to work I saw the fucking stupidest thing ever, and now I have material! I hope you enjoy. Letter to the guy who drives with snow on his windows.
So there was a time not long ago, that The Skunk was a battered little man. That’s right folks, The Skunk was married! I know, it’s hard to believe, The Skunk tied down, being ordered around by a crazy bitch! But it’s true, and I’m not proud of this period of my life, but it’s experiences like this that made me the skunk I am today!
The Skunk is recently single, so I thought about trying this online dating thing. So I have been thinking about what I would say in an Internet dating profile… this is what I came up with:
So I have been in the wonderful Midwest for less than two weeks, yet I have already encountered the police. It all started this morning on the way to the doctor.
Now, let it be known, the Skunk is a good, safe driver. Additionally, I know the police here are very sensitive to speeding. Coming from California, it’s hard not to drive like a bat out of hell… but I’m a poor skunk, so I set the cruise at 65…and just wait to get to my destination.
Rated R
In all my years, this has been one of my favorite stories to tell. But when preparing to write this story I remembered all the events that led up to this story, and they are equally entertaining. So prepare yourself for a wild ride.
It was the spring of 2002, and I was working as a contractor for the Department of Defense. About three times a year they had a conference called the Readiness Academy. I had the distinguished task of being the laptop media support technician. Although the task itself sucked, I always enjoyed this event because it got me out of the office for three days. Additionally, the presenter, Clyde, became a good friend of mine. Clyde was from the DC area, and he would drive in for each of the events. Clyde was the type of guy that was terrified of flying, so he use to drive all over the country doing these academy’s for various DOD agencies. When asked why he didn’t like to fly he had no real go reason. “Clyde, why don’t you just fly to these events?” “Well the country is just too nice to fly by” he would say. “Dude, were in Ohio, there isn’t shit between here and anywhere, that isn’t fucking cornfields or white trash!” “Well, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t like to fly.” “No shit, I would have never guessed!”
Rated PG-13
This is the single most important Life Lesson. All you young male skunks, pay attention!
It’s a fact; The Skunk is not a fan of marriage. Marriage is an intuitional practice invented by the church to increase its number of followers, and to promote baby making. As governments evolved, they also saw promise in this practice to increase revenues by issuing licenses. Additionally, the wedding industry is the biggest rip-off in the entire world. It’s starts with the lame engagement ring, and ends with a ridiculously expensive party. Even in divorce, marriage keeps a ton of scumbag lawyers in business. Basically, marriage is a cult, and we all know cults are bad! Our society is brainwashed into thinking you MUST get married, and if you don’t, you’re defective. The Skunk challenges the norm, and shouts from the mountain above “Run like hell you motherfuckers! Don’t do it!”
There are only a few exceptions when a marriage is permitted according to The Skunk Code. They are as follows:
Over the years then have been many sightings of Aliens and UFO’s in New Mexico. I can’t tell you how many shows I’ve seen on the Travel Channel etc. about such occurrences. In fact, a few years ago the state of New Mexico undertook a controversial ad campaign hoping to drive tourism based on the rumors. Here is a funny clip from that campaign:
Ever have one of those moments where you want to go back in time and change a few things? The Skunk does, and these moments are frequent. One such instance is the story in which I thought I would screw the world by buying cars at auction and flipping them. Similar idea as flipping houses, with a much smaller investment.
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « May | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | |||