The Skunk Blog

Rated PG-13

This is the single most important Life Lesson.  All you young male skunks, pay attention!

It’s a fact; The Skunk is not a fan of marriage.  Marriage is an intuitional practice invented by the church to increase its number of followers, and to promote baby making.  As governments evolved, they also saw promise in this practice to increase revenues by issuing licenses.  Additionally, the wedding industry is the biggest rip-off in the entire world.  It’s starts with the lame engagement ring, and ends with a ridiculously expensive party.  Even in divorce, marriage keeps a ton of scumbag lawyers in business.  Basically, marriage is a cult, and we all know cults are bad!  Our society is brainwashed into thinking you MUST get married, and if you don’t, you’re defective.  The Skunk challenges the norm, and shouts from the mountain above “Run like hell you motherfuckers!  Don’t do it!”

There are only a few exceptions when a marriage is permitted according to The Skunk Code.  They are as follows:

1. You get a girl pregnant.  If you are a man, you have no immediate rights to your child.  You will have to fight to prove parentage, then again in family courts for the right to see your child.  So, if you knock up your girlfriend, get married.  Of course, if you have crazy money, avoid marriage all together, and fight for full custody of your child.
2. Your girlfriend is much older, and is loaded!  Can you say “Sugar Momma?”  A sugar momma is an acceptable reason to get married.  In this case, quit your job, become dependent, and then get a divorce.  Take ½ of her shit, and live the life of luxury!  Don’t get mad at me women; you have been doing this for centuries…   Remember, this worked for K-Fed!
3. You are gay.  If you’re gay you should get married, just to piss off the ultra-conservative!  I think gays deserve the same right to misery as the rest of us, enough said.

Now, if you are still thinking about marriage let me lay down what you are in store for:

1. You’ll say “My Marriage will be different.”  I once said this.  All my friends said “Skunk, don’t do it!  You’ll never get sex; she’ll treat you like shit and make you her personal slave.”  I was positive these old timers were full of shit.  My marriage will be different!  Well my fellow skunks, they were right, and I was wrong!
2. Being single keeps everyone honest.  When you get married you let yourself go.  You’ll get fat, not care about keeping up after certain things until it’s too late.  When you’re single, you have to be on your “A Game” or she will leave.  Additionally if you get married, she will get fat and start ordering you around.  Why you say, because she already has you!  Skunks, stay single and keep it honest!
3. Sex.  Basically you are going to be a self-pleasure expert.  Women use sex to get what they want, a husband!  When they get married, sex is to get what they want, babies.  After the kids arrive, all you’re good for is a paycheck.  One of my old friends said “I get sex two days a year, my anniversary and the Queen’s birthday.”  I was married for three years; I can seriously count on two hands how many times I had sex during my marriage. 
4. No new relationships.  Let’s face it; the most exciting times are the first few weeks of dating someone.  You fuck 15 times a day.  You only leave the bedroom to go buy more condoms or to eat or drink.  This is the best time of a relationship.  If you get married, you will never experience this again, unless you’re a cheater…and Skunks are not cheaters!
5. What is yours is hers, what is hers is hers!  If she doesn’t like your belongings or friends they will have to go.  Additionally, if you buy anything, it’s hers.  It doesn’t matter if you make $100K and she makes $5K, it’s all hers!  When you get divorced, and you will, the courts will agree with her.  Suddenly your ex-wife owns the big screen TV, Xbox, golf clubs, boat, car, etc.  Additionally, you get the pleasure of giving her part of your paycheck until she tricks another dumbass to marry her.
6. Friends.  When you’re married you will lose all your single guy and girlfriends.  She will come up with some excuse to why you can’t be friends with them.  It boils down to insecurities.  You cannot be around people who may know single women.  If you see a single woman again you will be tempted, and you should be…remember she is fat and ugly now!  You are only allowed to be friends with boring couples with kids.  Your life is officially safe, and boring as hell!
7. Sex with only one person.  Let’s face it; humans were not designed to be monogamous.  As a man, our nature is to spread our seed in as many locations as possible.  This is just natural.  We need to make our species survive.  When you get married, it is 100% unacceptable to fuck every piece of trim you see.  This is a challenge my friends.  You are an animal, controlled by animal instincts.  Good Luck!

Ok Skunks, I hope you have learned something.  The most important lesson here is that it is OK to challenge the social norm.  Just because the norm is established, and backed by many, doesn’t make it right.  Think for yourself, and do what you want.  If you want to get married, get married.  But if you want to defy the norm and be single, then be single.  But, if you get married, don’t come crying when it doesn’t work out.  It’s a fact, over 50% of all marriages fail.  Do yourself a favor, instead of getting married, just give your girl 50% of everything you own and walk away while you still like her and have some dignity left.

-The Skunk