The Skunk Blog

Rated PG-13

I just started The Skunk Blog, so I felt that it was most important to post one of my most valuable Life Lessons.  Before I begin, let me disclose to you that I have children, and I love them dearly.  I wouldn’t trade them in for anything in the world, not even a billion dollars or a night with Scarlett Johansson (This is some serious shit!)

Now that I have fully disclosed my situation, let me educate all you young skunks. This is a simple lesson, so pay attention!

Kids are amazing, but if you are going to have kids you must meet the following requirements.  If you do not meet all the listed requirements, you are regulated to wear a condom at all times during sexual activities.  If you think sex without a condom doesn’t feel as good, you’re right, but it feels worse to have an unplanned child!  Here are the Skunk requirements to have children:

1. You must be over the age of 30.  You are not emotionally ready for a child unless you are in your 30’s.  If you have a kid in your 20’s you will be busting your ass to make ends meet until your child is out of college.  That additional stress will ruin your relationship, and you will soon become a single parent will mucho child support!  Additionally, most people are not patient enough for kids until they have become comfortable with themselves…and who the hell knows who they are when they are in their 20’s?  Live up your 20’s.  Travel, fuck, drink, and have fun…when you have kids, game over.
2. Married.  I’m not a big fan of marriage, but if you are going to have a kid, you should be married.  The reason is very simple, being a single parent sucks!  You need help…kids will drive you crazy!  An extra set of hands is always appreciated when you need to change a shitty diaper!  Also, a father that is unwed has no rights to his child.  This means, if the baby momma leaves, you have to fight to see your kid…which will cost you big bucks and expose you to the family courts…I would rather be impaled than be in the family court system again!
3. Been with your mate for over 3 years.  Having kids is stressful on a relationship.  If you don’t have a rock solid foundation it’s not going to work. 
4. Have a minimum of $100K in the bank.  Kids are expensive.  People under estimate the cost of having a family.  The financial strain will ruin your relationship.  Best situation is to save up some cash and have one of the parents stay home.  I think a safe number is $100K per child.  If you can’t save it, then wear a condom!

Now for you skunks that dare to ride bareback.  Never trust your mate.  She may say she is on the pill, but if she wants a baby she will get one!  She will claim it was the antibiotics she took when she was sick, but the fact is, she wanted to have a baby and trap you.  If you were wearing a condom this would have never happened!  Trust me skunks, this will happen! 

Since some of you will never listen, let’s break this up and look of the cost of having an unplanned child.

1. Child support for 18 years @ $800/month =$172,800
2. Misc. Child Expenses per year @ 3,000/year *18 years= $54,000
3. College @ $30,000/Year * 4 Years = $120,000

So the most basic cost analysis tells me you will be out a minimum of $346,800 per child.  Trust me, this number is low.  Now multiply it by 2 if you’re a dumb ass like me, and you are at nearly $700,000!  So with that being said, if you pay $1.50 for a condom, you will save $346,798.50 per kid!  Listen to me you little punks; I could have had close to a million dollars!  I could have traveled the world, had expensive cars, a house, anything!!  Instead, I live paycheck to paycheck!  Let my fuck up be your lesson learned, $1.50 for a condom, unplanned child… PRICELESS!