The Skunk Blog

Rated R

In all my years, this has been one of my favorite stories to tell.  But when preparing to write this story I remembered all the events that led up to this story, and they are equally entertaining.  So prepare yourself for a wild ride.

It was the spring of 2002, and I was working as a contractor for the Department of Defense.  About three times a year they had a conference called the Readiness Academy.  I had the distinguished task of being the laptop media support technician.  Although the task itself sucked, I always enjoyed this event because it got me out of the office for three days.  Additionally, the presenter, Clyde, became a good friend of mine.  Clyde was from the DC area, and he would drive in for each of the events.  Clyde was the type of guy that was terrified of flying, so he use to drive all over the country doing these academy’s for various DOD agencies.  When asked why he didn’t like to fly he had no real go reason.  “Clyde, why don’t you just fly to these events?”  “Well the country is just too nice to fly by” he would say.  “Dude, were in Ohio, there isn’t shit between here and anywhere, that isn’t fucking cornfields or white trash!”  “Well, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t like to fly.”  “No shit, I would have never guessed!” 

Now Clyde was a cool cat.  Whenever he was in town, he would take me out to some of the best restaurants in Columbus for dinner.  We’re talking good places, like Ruth Chris and Mitchell’s steak house.   Having an expense account must be nice!  On top of this, the past summer he brought his 19 year old college bound daughter to one of the Academy’s.  From what I gathered, she and his ex-wife lived in California, and she was up for the summer to visit her dad.  She must have been really thrilled to be in Ohio in the middle of the summer.  That being said, his daughter was absolutely stunning!  She must have been about 5’ 8” tall, blonde hair, thin, and a perfect rack.  When I saw her I was in total awe.  Being only 24, she was definitely in my fuck zone.  Being it as it was, her dad knew well enough about my womanizing ways, and kept her a safe distance from me the whole week.  I may have not been able to eat his daughter, but he made sure I got a good steak instead.  Good man!

Back at the spring academy, I was going through the motions of sitting around waiting for something to break, which never happened.  The academy took place at the Villa Mallano, a nice Italian styled conference and event center in the north part of Columbus.   The whole event was catered, and included many breaks for the lazy government employees.  At the time, I was still smoking, so it gave me an opportunity to go outside and mingle with people.  Say what you will about smoking, but if it wasn’t for this nasty little habit I would know about 50% less people in my life.  Smokers have this unique bond, a common vice that allowed for easy discussion and quick friendships.

Before I go any further, you must understand this; the average government employee at the base I worked was a 48 year old black woman.  I love these women; they are loud, sexist, and a hell of a good time.  They however are not hot, or the least bit sexually attractive.  Sure, there were other types of people there, but overall, the trend was the same, about my parents age, and generally not attractive.  Of course there were a few diamonds in the rough, but there was a lot of rough.   Because 60% of the employees were either eligible, or would be eligible, for retirement within three years there was a huge push to recruit newly graduated college students for a life of civil employment.  This is when the tide began to swing, and there were suddenly several new hotties starting every few months.  These new “interns” suddenly made my life at work much more enriching.

During my smoke breaks at work I suddenly started to notice about 3 or 4 really beautiful young women.  One of these girls was a perky blonde.  She must have been about 5’9” and had a great body.  I noticed here about .2 seconds after I walked out.  She about took my breath away.  I turned to my friend Butch, “Who the HELL is that?”  “Dunno, must be a new intern”,  “No Shit Sherlock!  Looks like the talent level is on the up and up. “  As fate has it, I just happen to be the computer trainer for all new interns, so I was sure I would meet her soon.

About a week later I had my intern computer training class.  Sure enough, little blonde peep was in my class.  The problem in these classes was that there was always about 10-15 new interns, which meant it was hard to flirt with just one of these cute newbies.  So I guess I’ll have to wait….for now.

Back on my smoke break at the Villa Mallano, I was chatting with one of my friends when I noticed my cute new blonde co-worker.  She was standing alone by one of the ashtrays, so I went in for the kill.  “Hey there, you’re one of the new interns right?” 

“Yeah” she said.

 “My name is Jason, I think I had you in my computer training class a few weeks ago.”

 “Oh yeah, you’re a great teacher, very funny.  I don’t know why they have us go to those stupid classes.” 

“Probably because the average person that works here’s IQ is 34.  You’re a recent college grad, so at least you have seen a computer before you began working here.  When most of these people started, they use to pound on rocks with chisels” I said.

 “No shit, these people are old!  By the way, my name is Maya.” 

“Pleased to meet you.” I said with a smile. And now my friends, the game is on!  So the rest of the conference continued for another two days.  I made sure I spoke to Maya a few more times, but not too much.  From our conversations I learned she had moved up to Columbus from Alabama to go to college.  She had a boyfriend she met while attending Devry, and they lived together.  I could also tell in her tone that she liked me, so I decided to play the friend route and be patient.

The next few months we became very friendly.  She would e-mail me to go smoke, I would stop by and say hello at her desk.  It was a budding, unannounced romance, and then it happened. 

“Jason, me and John broke up.” She said. 

“Really, what happened?” Finally, patience pays off!

 “Well, it’s kinda a long story, but he drinks.  Actually, he drinks a lot.  And he just isn’t the same guy he used to be, so I broke up with him” she said.

Ding Ding Ding.  Ladies and Gentleman, fighting out of Columbus Ohio, standing 6’ 1” tall, and weighing 175lbs, The Skuuunk!  Game on Bitches! 

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that.  Do you need to talk?  I recently had a breakup too, maybe we can compare notes?” 

“That would be great, I really don’t know what to do.”  She said.

“No Problem, let’s do happy hour tonight, and we can talk”

 “Would you?  That’s really nice.  Is Applebee’s OK?”  she said.

 “Sure, is 5:30 OK?” I said.

“Yeah” she said.

 “Ok, I’ll meet you there at the bar.”  See my friends, sometimes patience pays off. (Please note, I said SOMETIMES)

That evening I met Maya at the bar.  We quickly moved to one of the high-topped bar tables where we had a little bit more privacy.

 “I just don’t know what to do, I mean, he still lives with me, but he is a mess.  He is all crazy, talking about killing himself and shit” she said.

 “Wow.  Well you need to take care of yourself” I said. 

“I know, what should I do?”  she said with a cute frown.

“Well is this what you really want?  Do you want to move on?”  I said, playing the devils advocate.

“I think it’s what I need to do” she said. 

“I agree, you should start looking for a place.  Do you need any help?”  I said. 

“No, I just signed a lease with him, so I think he is going to move back home to Mansfield with his parents”

 “Oh, well that will work.”  I said.

 “Yeah, I can find a roommate I guess”

The conversation went on for another hour or so.  When I left, I gave her a hug and told her everything would be OK, and to call me if she needed anything.

The weeks went on much like this.  A few phone calls, happy hours, and many smoke breaks together.  We were becoming close.  One night at about 11:30PM I got a call.

“Hey Skunk, it’s Maya”

 “Hey there, how are you?”  11:30PM, is this booty call territory?

 “Not good.  I’m lonely.  John went home to his parents, and I want to be close to someone, so I thought of you.”  She said.

“Really?  You want me to come over?”  I said playing coy.

“Yeah, is that OK?” she said.  Hell yeah that’s OK!  I’ll stop masturbating and be right over!  I could use an extra hand anyways.

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”  I got her address and ran for the door.  Finally, after months of prepping, I finally get to go to the Promised Land!

When I arrived she was waiting for me.  She was wearing not so sexy sweats and a tee shirt.  What’s wrong with this chick?  We made our way to the couch and turned on a movie.  I’m not sure what we watched, because the movie was nothing more than a reason for us to cuddle.

“Thanks for coming over” she said. 

“No problem, that’s what friends are for right?”  The friend route, a safe fun road, not to be confused with off-roading, which is reckless and much more fun!

  “Come here” she said in a sexy voice.  She then began to kiss me.  What ensued was amazing.  I had been dreaming of this night for months.  Her cloths found the floor in a matter of seconds, and I was kissing her amazing breasts.

“Skunk, I don’t want to have sex.  Is that OK?” she said.  WHAT!  You called me over here, you kiss me, you shed all your cloths, you get me all worked up, and you don’t want to fuck me?  You must be fucking crazy! 

“Of course baby, we don’t have to have sex.  Would it be ok if I went down on you?” I said with an evil smile. 

 “I guess that would be OK.” She said. 

Now I am an oral specialist.  I pride myself that I can get a girl so worked up that she will eventually give in, and let me inside her.  And so it began.  I licked her with everything I had.  She was moaning so loud I’m sure the neighbors heard.  A dog outside was barking for gods sakes.  She can’t take this for much longer, no way, no how!  So I worked up her belly, kissing her navel, her breasts and her neck.  I starting rubbing my cock on her pussy.

“Um, you are so good at that” she said. 

“Thank you” I said beaming with confidence.

“Sit back, it’s your turn” she said.  Hell yes it’s my turn!  Get to it.  She then put me on my back and went to town on me.  She gave me some great head.  She stopped “Are you going to cum” she said.

 “Do you want me to?” I said with a look of confusion.  I thought I was headed to the peach of pleasure, guess not.

 “Yes, you can cum in my mouth.” She said.

  “Are you sure?” I questioned.

 “Cum in my mouth baby” she said.

Fucking bitch!  Guess I’m not going to fuck after all tonight.  I laid back and let her devour my cock.  I made her work for another 20 minutes simply out of pure principle.  When we were done we laid naked on her couch for a little while, then I went home. 

Back to work the next day everything was normal.  We had our smoke breaks, and generally acted like nothing ever happened.  It went on like this for another week.  It was a Saturday night when I got the call.

“John went home for the weekend; do you want to come over?”  Do I want to come over?  Hell yes, I want to finish what I started!

“Sure, be there in 20 minutes OK?”  I said.

 “Sure.” She said.  And I was on my way over again.  It was about 11PM when I arrived. 

This time she took me directly back to her bedroom.  Yes my friends, tonight I will get everything I have desired!

“Can we lay in bed, and hold each other?” she said. 

“Sure, you mind if I lose some cloths?” I said.

“Not at all, I’ll get into something more comfortable myself.”  I quickly undressed to my boxers and waited for her in bed.  She came out in a sexy red nighty and joined me. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” she said. 

“Sure.”  Again she put in a movie, and I can’t remember what it was since my objective was not to watch a movie, but to watch Miss Maya’s O face!  We lay down and began making out.  I was caressing her body and had a raging hard on.  Within minutes we suddenly heard a loud bang from the living room.  “What the fuck is that?” I said.

“I don’t know” she said.  And then we heard another and another and then silence.  So we then went back to where we left off.  Within seconds my hand was in her panties, feeling her hot moistness when her phone began to ring. 

She looked at it “Oh Shit!” she said.

 “What? What is it?” 

“It’s John” she said with fear in her eyes.

 “Are you going to answer it?  He is probably just drunk dialing you.”  I said with a little laugh.

 “I’ll only be a minute” she said.  

Fine, talk to your drunk ex, I’ll be hitting what was his soon enough.  She left the room.  In a flash she was back. 

“Get your clothes on!” she said very rushed.

“What?”

 “Get your fucking cloths on Skunk, he’s here!”  she said pointing to my cloths.

“What do you mean he’s here?” I said with a confused look.

 “You know that banging, that was him trying to get in to the apartment.  The swing lock kept the door closed.  Get your clothes on now!” she said.

“Ok” Holy shit!  What have I got myself into?

I quickly got my clothes on while she threw on some sweats and a tee-shirt.  How the hell am I going to get out of here?  Damnit Skunk, you dumb fuck, never go to a girls house when she lives with her ex!  She was making her way to the window.

“You can go out the window” she said. 

“What?  Maya, you live on the second floor!” I protested.

 “I know, but I think you will be fine.”  She said.

 “Ok, let’s do this” I said.   So I made my way to the window and took off the screen.  Sure as shit, she is on the second floor, and it was a long way down.  Luck would have it, looks like there are some soft bushes to catch me.  With that thought, I swung one leg out the window and sat on the window sill.  At this point I think of a neighbor seeing this scene, and calling the cops.  I then think, if I hang by my by hands it’s probably only like 10-12 foot drop.  That’s not too bad, right? 

“This is fucking crazy” I said. 

“Quick, he is coming” she said. 

I look down.  I see myself dropping, breaking a leg or my arm.  This is crazy, I can’t do it.

 “Maya, I don’t think I can do this.  Is there any other option?” I said.

“I don’t know.  Here, get in my closet.  He is really drunk, I’m sure he will pass out.” And with that she took me to the walk-in closet.  She then quickly closed the door and disappeared for awhile.

I sat there in her closet for about 5 minutes.  I heard him come into the apartment.  He is definitely wasted.  So at least I have the advantage of a clear head if any fists start flying.  She takes him to the other bedroom and I can hear them talking.  She is being sweet by firm. 

“No John, we are not together, no we can’t go fuck in my bed, no, no, no, just stay here and relax, I’ll be right back.”  She then entered her room and closed and locked the door. 

She then opened the closet.  “He is really wasted.  I think he will pass out.  Just stay here, and be ready.” She said.

Ready?  Ready for what?  Ready to have a threesome with her and Mr. Limp Drunk Dick?

“Ok, I’ll be ready.” I whispered.

 There is a knock at her door.  Great, it’s go time!  Come on mother fucker, I can take your drunken ass.  “John, go to bed!” she screamed.

 “Baby, I want to sleep with you” he said all slurred.

“Fine, I’ll come to your room in a minute.  Now go to your bed!”  She screamed.  I hear him walk away.  She opens the door.

 “Good Job” I whispered. 

“Be ready OK.” She said. 

I nod my head.  She then leaves the room and I’m alone in a walk-in closet.  At this point my heart is racing.  I’m not scared, but I’m definitely worried.  I’ve never really been in a fight, but I can’t think of any other night where it is more likely to happen than tonight.  I’m sure Mr. Drunk John is very unstable.  He has a broken heart, he’s wasted, and his girl has another dude in her closet, enough said.  Another ten minutes goes by, nothing.  Another five, and still nothing.  I see she has some nice lace things in her closet.  I wonder if she keeps any panties around, you know, to remember the night, like a war trophy.  I’m smelling her cloths when I hear the door open.  She must have told him.  Now I’m about to either get or give a good old fashion ass whopping.  I’m cornered in the closet, so he has the advantage.  This really sucks.  How do I get myself into these situations?  The closet door knob turns slowly, and then the door begins to open.  My fist instinctively come up, my pulse is racing.  I’m going to kick your fucking drunk ass!  You don’t have a prayer my friend. 

“Come with me now.” She whispers. 

I quickly follow.  She leads be through the living room and to the door.  She opens the door quietly, and I run like a bat out of hell down the stairs.  How he didn’t hear I have no idea.  I was in my car in a flash!  I lock the doors, throw the car in reverse, and I get the fuck out of dodge!

We never spoke of that night, but we both knew we averted some crazy bullshit that could have gone bad, very bad.  So there are several lessons to learn from this experience, but none more important than never go to a girl’s house if she still lives with her ex, enough said, lesson learned.