So there was a time not long ago, that The Skunk was a battered little man. That’s right folks, The Skunk was married! I know, it’s hard to believe, The Skunk tied down, being ordered around by a crazy bitch! But it’s true, and I’m not proud of this period of my life, but it’s experiences like this that made me the skunk I am today!
So my wife was a control freak, and no better way to control The Skunk than to use sex. Sex was hard to come by in my marriage. I seriously think I can count on my two hands how many times we did “IT” over 2 years. Yes, it was that bad!!! And it was in one of these fucked up droughts when she approached me.
Ex Bitch: Do you want sex?
The Skunk: Huh? What do you mean?
Ex Bitch: Do you want to fuck me?
The Skunk: Are you OK?
Ex Bitch: Well…
The Skunk: Yeah, of course.
Ex Bitch: Ok, I need you to write a paper for me.
The Skunk: What?
Ex Bitch: If you want to fuck me you have to write a paper for my Communications class.
The Skunk: You want me to write a paper for you?
Ex Bitch: Yes.
The Skunk: Then you’ll fuck me?
Ex Bitch: Yes. If you want to fuck me, you’ll write a paper for me.
The Skunk: How long does it have to be?
Ex Bitch: 4 pages
In the Skunks Head: hummm, 4 pages is really only two pages single spaced. That will only take about an hour. Sounds like a good deal.
The Skunk: Ok, I’m in.
Ex Bitch: You better write a good paper!
The Skunk: You know I’m a good writer. No worries, you’ll get an “A”.
And the deal with the Devil was made. I wrote the paper. As anticipated, it only took me about an hour. The Ex Bitch would have worked all day on this, and it would have been only half as good as what I wrote. I guess this was a good deal for me. How long has it been since I got laid anyways? Hummm… damn, I can’t even remember!
The Skunk: It’s done, let’s fuck!
Ex Bitch: Let me read it first.
The Skunk: Here you go. Trust me, it’s good.
The Ex Bitch reads the paper. She smiles.
Ex Bitch: This is pretty good.
The Skunk: Yeah, I’m good, let’s fuck!
Ex Bitch: Ok, Later.
The Skunk: No! Now! I did my part, time to honor your part of the deal.
Ex Bitch: Ok, fine….. but make it quick!
What? What did she just say? “Make it Quick?” What the fuck is that? Make it Quick?? Ok Bitch, game on!
The Skunk: Ok
We went to the bed. She undresses and lies on her back. She won’t even kiss me. What a fucking bitch!
The Skunk: How about a little BJ before we get started?
Ex Bitch: No. That was not part of the deal. But if you want, you can lick my pussy.
Oh, I see how this is going to go… I write a paper for you, and then I get fucked… I get it! To make a long story short, it was a miserable sex session. She just laid there. She wouldn’t kiss me, and she looked at her watch 3 times and insisted I “Make it quick.” This was definitely not up to the quality of the paper I wrote.
About one week later she approached me.
Ex Bitch: So, you got an “A” on the paper you wrote.
The Skunk: I know. You go to community college, I probably write better than your professor.
Ex Bitch: I have another paper I need to write.
The Skunk: Really?
Ex Bitch: Yeah. You wanna fuck me?
The Skunk: Yeah I want to fuck you.
Ex Bitch: Ok, same deal.
The Skunk: One exception. You have to fuck me before I write the paper.
Ex Bitch: No.
The Skunk: Have fun writing your paper.
Ex Bitch: Fine, let’s go.
Again, she gave a half ass effort. She insisted that I “Make it Quick” and she wouldn’t kiss me. For God’s sake, I am married to a clock watching hooker! I finished up and wrote her paper. About a week later she came to me.
Ex Bitch: What the fuck is this?
She throws the second paper at me.
The Skunk: What?
Ex Bitch: I got a fucking “C”.
The Skunk: Looks like it.
Ex Bitch: I fucked you, and I got a “C”.
The Skunk: Well if you wanted an “A” you should have given me “A” level sex. You fucked me below average, you’re lucky he gave you a “C”, I personally would have given me a “D” on that piece of shit paper.
Ex Bitch: What? You did this on purpose?
The Skunk: Did you fuck me like shit on purpose? I think you know the answer to that. You want an “A”, fuck like you want an “A”.
And that my friends, was the last college paper I ever wrote.
-The Skunk
Skunk – this is insanely funny!! “You want an ‘A’, fuck like you want an ‘A’.” Classic! Love the blog, darlin’!
Seriously, a half ass effort only goes so far. If the bitch would have fucked me like a porn star…well the result would have been an A+ paper. Thanks for reading!
-The Skunk!