So I have been in the wonderful Midwest for less than two weeks, yet I have already encountered the police. It all started this morning on the way to the doctor.
Now, let it be known, the Skunk is a good, safe driver. Additionally, I know the police here are very sensitive to speeding. Coming from California, it’s hard not to drive like a bat out of hell… but I’m a poor skunk, so I set the cruise at 65…and just wait to get to my destination.
So I am driving down the highway and I see 3 cops in less than 10 miles. All these bastards are setting speed traps. I can give two shits because my cruise is set at 63. I pass a cop and he immediately pulls out after me and follows me for 5 minutes. I have my eye on him. Sure enough, lights go on, and I pull over. Fucking great! What they hell did I do? I wasn’t speeding… now what?
Skunk: Hello officer.
Bad Cop: License, registration, proof of insurance please.
Skunk: I have to open my glove box. Is this OK?
Bad Cop: Sure.
I Open the Glove Box and get out my registration and insurance.
Skunk: May I ask what the problem is Sir?
Bad Cop: Your license plate cover makes it hard to read all the numbers.
Skunk: Really, it’s been there for two years and I never realized it was an issue.
Bad Cop: Where are you going?
Skunk: The doctors why?
Bad Cop: So how long have you been in Ohio?
So that’s what this is about your pencil headed prick. My plates are from California, so you pull my ass over. What the fuck!!!
Skunk: Since the 15th.
Bad Cop: Did you move here?
Skunk: Yes.
Bad Cop: Why?
In the Skunks Head: Because the police are so nice and handsome!
Skunk: I have kids here. I am from Ohio originally.
Cop: You know you have to transfer your license and plates within thirty days of establishing residency?
Skunk: I know this. I have been here six days. I still have 24 days left.
Cop: I need to go run your information. Be back in a few minutes.
Skunk: Sure.
Now, this is pissing me off. This bastard pulled me over to see if he could give me a ticket because my plates are from out of town. I drove in California for two years on Ohio plates and not once got pulled over. I’m in Ohio for six days and the piece of shit police are up my ass! To make matters worse, I ‘m now late for my doctor’s appointment! The sweet thing is, I haven’t done shit to deserve being pulled over.
Cop: Ok, I’m going to let you go with a warning. Make sure to take off the plate cover as soon as you can.
Skunk: Ok, no problem.
Cop: Be careful merging into traffic.
Skunk: Thanks.
Cop: Welcome to Ohio.
I close my window.
Skunk: Go fuck your mother!
I then drove to my appointment. I was late. To cap it off, I learn I have joined the elusive 200lb club, and I have a torn rotator cuff… which I hurt by working out…trying to lose weight. Awesome!
-The Skunk!
